The Backside

"Sometimes I feel like leaving you,
 but when I think about what we been through, yeah,
 I get a feeling like it could be worse.
Cause I've given you my best, and I don't mind, its fine" Mary J. Blige- Hood Love

Listening to this song and seeing the video, I think majority of relationships have this concept. Our man, spouse, husband,  even wife/girlfriend not calling, picking up their phone, not coming home at a decent hour. Constantly worrying if their okay, what could have happened? And then the cycle begins, and continues over and over again. Years go by, pain,resentment, insecurities, secrets buried, the compatibility factor that because were so use to this behavior, its just normal for us. We don't say a thing, but yet our hearts hurt, we complain to our girlfriends about them not being this nor that, but ask yourself, what have you contributed that they haven't? Love, Loyalty, Honesty...but have you? We fail to recognize the truth, or even deal with it, because the saying is the truth hurts. Can you say that you have really tried, and no not that try that we think is working for US, but for WE. How can we as individuals expect so much from one person, but in return were not putting up half the effort. I hear stories about this person not having a great job, or this person is still living at home, or they haven't finished school, or have X amount of kids, or this or that....But where do you stand? Being a woman, I found that I complained about the man's cheating, but that was his only fault, he brought forth more than I gave back. Crazy was he constantly pushed me to be more than I thought I had in me, but he never gave up on me.

You think about leaving, time and time again?  Thinking its them, not you, of course not you, because you can't obviously do anything wrong? Right!!! So, maybe you did leave, possibly try to move on, went on some dates, and all you come to think about is him/her? Comparing your mate with that person, they don't make you smile like they do, they don't have that swag that's at a million, just being with them is plain "Jane." Can you think about the time when you needed him/her, and at every chance they were always there, made your rainy day see the rainbow, brought life back into you when you thought  things were just hopeless, your best friend is just that. I've come to realize that you must be your mate's friend first, laugh and be silly about all the things that you are comfortable doing with your friends. NO don't divulge every single detail of your sexual escapades, or old boo's but do share your experiences into making it your own. We fail to see that what you thought you have been missing has been in front of you all this time. Relationships are not suppose to be as easy as we want or would like them to be. There hard work, time consuming, heart breaking, but if that's what you want, if you can see yourself growing more and more with this person, then they are fulfilling, they are the piece to that puzzle that might be the missing factor. Love is such a complicated subject, so many emotions, but its the simplest thing when you have communication, a support system, honesty, respect for one another, and friendship. Love for life, for that person that compliments you, not completes, because before anything make sure you love yourself first!!!!

"Now I play tough but not for too long,
You are someone I depend on,
No matter how I act at times, I could never walk away
I thought about it plenty of times, but no one could take your place" Trey Songz

You, Me and Her

With different types of ways to keep the "fire" in ones relationship, couples may take it to the next level. Maybe an extreme level. So what if your mate came to you with this question? Inviting another female into your domain, or better yet your best friend? Awkward right? As one who has been placed in this situation, I didn't know how to respond. We know that relationships go through turmoil, from lies to infidelity, from finances to infertility, or as plain as I can get, unhappy. Whatever your relationship is facing, your at your wits end with your spouse, thought you tried everything to change the cycle. But when you really think about it did you really try? If you let him come in at 4 in the morning, stay out 2 to 3 days at a time, never being concerned, nor confronting the issue, just living this illusion that everything is good because this is all you know. Love is not a easy emotion, when you feel that feeling in your gut, that the person your with is what makes you smile even when they aren't there.

So how do you improve your relationship that obviously has came to a u-turn? If you really want it to work, honesty and communication. I never knew what these concepts were, until faced with the nasty truth, to loose a person who you have grown to love. So what was my response to the question at hand? Truthfully, there has always been a curiosity with another female, have I experimented, NO. Will I? If the opportunity presented itself, YES. All relationships have different outcomes with these situations, it depends on the couple. It takes comfortability and security with yourself and in your relationship to prepare one with the outcome, because it can go either way.

Now, with a friend, at the end this is the person you possibly shared your secrets with, she knows things about you that your mate doesn't. I think its fair to say that this might potentially ruin the relationship, I wouldn't feel comfortable after, but again that's my opinion. Every situation will present itself in a different light, it takes a strong head to deal with the outcome no matter what is. Clear your intentions, this is when you take hold of what you possibly lost in your relationship, if your mate wants this to work as badly as you, make your demands. My motto is: you live once, so being open won't hurt. There is no win or lose, just happiness.

Why O Why?

So as many of you know and are fans the season finale of The Hills aired on Tuesday, with big suprises and shocks that I think the whole world experienced with Heidi's new experiment? My mouth dropped, as I can't phantom why such a beautiful woman would do such drastic things to make herself feel better. But if you see the context of the whole "Spencer" relationship as many of us woman tolerate, the control factor knocked her down. When being in a realtionship it takes hard work, but shouldn't be the end result of you altering or changing the person you are in order to make someone else happy. Some of us, woman, feel that if we can change something that maybe just maybe our relationship might work. I know alot of woman, even men might see a flaw in what was created, and maybe somethings might not be how you would want them to be. But the truth is you love me as if, or you just leave me alone. I hope that Heidi is truely happy, and as all these reality shows are for entertainment purposes, in the end this is the real world and the insecurities will have you go way beyond your means and needs. So if your happy with yourself, don't let anyone steal that joy from you.